If you would like to know the reason this rant series exists, CLICK HERE (It's part one).
I had to do it again and I'm sure there are more to follow. How about we just skip the preliminary banter and get right to it, shall we?
1) The Review Policy. Treat it as LAW.
I know, I know. I said this in the first rant. But it's such an issue that I had to say it again. Besides there were points I forgot to make. Like, if a blogger says in their policy that they don't accept self-published books, then THEY DON'T ACCEPT SELF-PUBLISHED BOOKS. Once you (Self-pubbers) read that, you and your little book can keep it moving. No need to keep reading. There's no special clause at the end of the policy that says "Oh, but if you read on to this point, then you can submit your request. I was just testing you, self-pubbed author". However, if a blogger DID do this, how cool would that be?
Most bloggers clearly state which genres they accept and don't accept for reviews. So don't send a blogger who only reviews romance books a request for a science fiction book, in stupid hopes of them magically changing their mind and accepting yours. It amazes me how many authors think they are the only rabbit born in a litter of hamsters. Sorry, friend. You're not. So just get in line and wait for your turn on the hamster wheel. There are other reviewers out there. MOVE ON.
2) Send the book in the format the blogger requested
I hate PDF's almost as much as I hate people who wear socks with sandals (which should be universally illegal). Don't send me a freaking PDF when I requested an ePub. First, reading PDFs on eReaders without converting them is like trying to read a street sign from ten miles away. I practically need the Hubble Telescope to read that shit. If I zoom in, then I have to scroll back and forth, up and down...NO!
|"I think I can see the words now!"|
Second, why the hell should I spend a single second of my life converting your book to a readable format, when I requested a readable format to begin with? Hmmm? Answers anyone? *crickets chirp* I know why authors send PDFs (reduces the risk of pirating, right? Or at least, you've fooled yourself into thinking it does.) Publishers are also very picky about sending out any ARCs that aren't PDFs too. I get that, and I expect PDFs from publishers. But you Indies? Stop fooling, and send me the format I requested. Thanks.
3) Try actually subscribing to some of the bloggers you request reviews from
You probably wouldn't piss so many of them off if you did. As am I, most bloggers are pretty vocal about the books they like to read and what gets on their nerves about blogging and books in general. Maybe if you took the time to get to know some of them, you might understand what they go through a bit better. Blogging is SO time consuming. Add reviews to that and you have a second job. And they're doing this shit for free. Why? Because they love it. But irate asshole authors suck all the fun out of what was probably just a part-time hobby to begin with.
4) Don't EVER retaliate against a blogger because they rejected you or gave a negative review
After one of my favorite bloggers was told to kill herself recently by one of those irate asshole authors I mentioned above simply because she didn't want to review his dumb ass book, I had to add this to my rant. Again.
Rejection and negative reviews are not reasons to verbally attack a blogger. You're going to get rejected, you're going to get negative reviews. GET THE FUCK OVER YOURSELF. So your mother told you you were a good writer and you believed her. That's not our fault!
And have you ever truly taken into consideration that these wonderful girls and boys have REAL LIVES? You're lucky they even read your email! Take it from me, an author and avid blogger, it's VERY easy to overwhelm yourself and take on too much. Bloggers need to go on hiatus every now and then to catch up. And then there is that human need to sleep for a few hours everyday. I'm just saying, don't be a jackass and try to be more conscious of bloggers and their time. Respect given, respect received.
It's really simple. Follow the rules, stick to the process, and I promise you'll benefit from it. Throwing online temper tantrums every time you don't get your way is so not sexy and will get you nowhere in this business. But don't get me wrong. I'm also an author and I've noticed a few things the bloggers could improve on as well. But alas, we must once again save that for the next rant.